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| Self Mastery 301 |
| Written by Mark Houck |
| Monday, 01 March 2010 |
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Welcome to Self-Mastery 301, the third leg of our journey in self-mastery! How have you done thus far with your homework assignments? If you have been faithfully attempting to implement all of the proposed action items from our 101 and 201 classes, you are no doubt ready to enter into some more advanced practices towards your self-mastery in the area of chastity. For those who have successfully tested out of our 101 and 201 courses or flat out skipped, let us take a brief moment to review the previous steps in our journey. By now you should be doing or have done the following: * Maintaining a consistent daily conversation with God (prayer time); * Have removed all near occasions for sin in your home (chaste living environment); * Have asked the Lord to give you an awareness of the process by which you fall or sin against the virtue of chastity; * Have used a journal or spent significant time examining the root cause of your sin in an attempt to learn and practice a corresponding virtue. Now that we have a good foundation for addressing our habitual sins against purity, lets take our efforts to another level. Let us begin by setting the tone with some timeless seeds of wisdom. “As iron sharpens irons, so one man does for for another” (Proverbs 27:17). Whether you are a man or a woman reading this, remember that no one is meant to walk the faith journey alone. Yes, we will at times be summoned to seek some solitude in our walk of faith and even some will be called to contemplative religious life, however all of us need the support of our brothers and sisters in Christ especially when it comes to our individual growth in chastity. We need to be iron for one another! Allow me to address this issue from a man’s perspective and the benefits of developing a band of brothers. For the ladies reading this, know that you must also seek out a common sisterhood for yourself, but for most women this comes quite naturally. Typically men struggle in developing a brotherhood with other men, especially one that doesn’t revolve around the often-negative male bonding experiences associated with sports. First off let me say that a men’s group is absolutely essential in the journey of self-mastery. A men’s group offers a man the following: * Fellowship with other men which will directly combat the feelings of loneliness that often feed into a pornography addiction; * Accountability to other men which will enable him to successfully confront the obstacles in his life that are most keeping him from growth in self-mastery and holiness. These are often areas that a man is reluctant to address on his own; * Opportunity to explore the deeper questions about a man’s faith and vocation in a non-judgmental setting; * And mentoring from other men who have similar life experiences. Are you still not convinced you need to have men in your life if you want to walk with sexual integrity? Allow me to share with you briefly my story. For 16 years I was addicted to pornography and all of its accompanying attachments. At 26 I began to seriously examine how I was living my life. I started to incorporate many spiritual practices (adoration and frequent confessions and communions) and exercises (Holy Rosary and Chaplet of Divine Mercy) so I could have the strength to make some necessary changes in my life. But in truth, all of these works served as spiritual band-aids till I added the complementarity of others in my walk towards virtue. Only after I surrounded myself with other like-minded men who desired the same things I wanted and challenged me in areas that I still needed to grow did the true change take place. Add my spiritual director and meeting my future wife (my help mate) into the equation and I was finally after 7 years set free from all of my attachments to porn and masturbation. Sounds simple doesn’t? The formula actually is very simple, but the work is not. Men’s groups will sharpen you as the proverb says. The journey will not always be easy and quite often a man will have to fight to prevent himself from giving up. But as we say in our men’s groups at The King’s Men, success of one man is a success of all the men in our group. Failure of one man is failure of all in the group. This is the type of attitude that will help your men’s group become a band of brothers. If you don’t have a men’s group in your area and you would like start one, I invite you to check out a resource which I recently wrote at www.kingsmenhandbook.com. This book will help you in forming a Catholic men’s group or enhance an existing one. Finally, allow me to say that a men’s group is not the only means for growing in holiness as a man, but it is my testimony and hundreds of others that a men’s group is vital to a man’s growth in the virtue of chastity. Give it a try! The rewards may surprise you. So your homework this next month is to seek out a band of brothers for yourself. If you can join an existing men's group that would be ideal. If you don't have a men's group then attempt to make a list of at least 5-7 good men whom you can call on at any given notice. If you cannot make this list then it is time for you to consider starting a men's group and summon these types of men into your life. For the ladies, continue to surround yourself with like-minded women who are positive examples of authentic femininity. Ask these women to sharpen you if they see that you are falling short in certain areas such as modesty, gossip or sexual integrity. Until our next class, I pray that your understanding of self-mastery will increase and you will see it actualized in your life. God bless you!
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friend who is fun to hang out with but has different morals, I feel empowered! something about a men's group that I know
but, is that, from my experience, there has to be the commitment, sharing, but also time to be guys, play cards, or
sport, go for a hike or something that you all share in to break it up. Have fun with them, not just a support group
but, mates who you feel comfortable with. I was in youth ministry last year and I think one of the best things that
could have been done for the men in the parish I worked was, start up a guy's night. The men loved it, we didn't get
into the whole sharing part but I know that it would have gotten there and I know this stuff is an encouragement too,
and I am another person who can say that guy's nights and groups are heaps helpful and amazing for growth.
Thank you
Mark, since being back in Canada I have lost my Australian brother's as a presence and support in my everyday life,
however you have inspired me to find more men in my area who will encourage and support me and I can encourage and
support them!
Peace
Jeff